Thursday, September 22, 2011

What is a boyfriend?

Depending on your relationship status, you might have a different response to this question. The single girls might say a boyfriend is someone who you can share a walk on the beach with, or someone who drives to your house to hug you when you're upset. Girls in a relationship might describe qualities of their boyfriends, or qualities they wish their man had. Married women, however, will say boyfriends are men on trial runs for marriage, like a period of testing if we want to stay with them; or boyfriends might be those horny boys that are looking at their little girls a little too long. 


Point being: everyone has a completely different response to this generally easy question. Basically, this blog is my answer to that question. I'm not saying that I know everything and I'm definitely not an expert at relationships. I have plenty of problems of my own and I know every relationship is different. That said, I was thinking about this question in the shower the other day and this was my conclusion simplified: being in a relationship is a big deal. Not in the "OMG, Jill, I can't believe you got a 'boyfriend' at the age of 13" kind of teenage angst, but in the deep, intimate kind of deal. Contrary to popular belief, you're not supposed to go through relationships like disposable razors; they're supposed to be savored, loved, appreciated, and enjoyed. 


I just kept thinking that the word "boyfriend" is not only a compound word, but it's also singular. There is one, and he is many things. He is, essentially, your other half (or should/could be eventually). He is someone that you share your thoughts, dreams, hopes, and plans with, and he should do the same to you (one-sided relationships suck). So many people are afraid to feel vulnerable because they've gotten hurt in the past, and they've learned to protect themselves by not getting too close. I'm one of these people. However, unless we let down that wall and let ourselves fall for someone, we will never fully get to see what it's like to be united with someone. So, to me, that's what a boyfriend is: a man who I'm willing to give myself to (emotionally) and someone I can trust with my heart. He has to be many things, but, most importantly, he has to be someone who feels the same way about me. It's not about the numbers, or what you do, or who pays, or dumb fights; It's about the fact that you both are willing to fight through everything just to end up together when it's over. 


Naturally, if you are with the wrong person, then it will not work out anyway. No matter how hard you fight or how badly you think you want something, if God has a different plan for your life, then His will is the one that succeeds. There have been many times when I've prayed for something that I now regret. I was wrong, and God showed me that. I prayed for relationships that weren't mine, but, I also prayed for my future husband. I prayed that he would have a strong faith and that he would be everything I need. It's so easy to feel lonely when you're single and to think that your boyfriend is "the one." The way I see it: I'll know he's gonna be my husband when he gets down on one knee and asks. Until that, I will not assume anything. Maybe that's a bad mindset, but it keeps me from getting too excited about it. Not that we both wouldn't want it, but if God doesn't want it, then there's no reason to force something that isn't meant to be. So, a boyfriend is someone given to you by God to grow with and to build up through all things. You should lean on each other first (after God) and be able to share anything, no matter how gross, or embarrassing, or idiotic. If he loves you, he'll love your quirks, and your bad jokes and lame stories won't bother him (well, he'll love you regardless of them, I guess is what I mean haha). 


You have to know what makes each other happy, mad, upset, etc. and live with that. People aren't perfect, so no couple is going to be perfect. They take work. A married couple is just two people in love who want to share one life. Yes, it's obviously deeper than that, but follow me. If two people are together for long enough, stuff happens, even with friends. They fight, yell, cry, hug, laugh, love, share, steal, lie, sing, dance, everything. It's not different when you choose the person. It's kind of like choosing an Alfa-friend. A friend above all other friends. A friend you want to stick with no matter what happens in life. A friend who will go everywhere with you and you can have a great time. A friend who becomes family, and one day starts one with you. He is with you through thick and thin. The fun times and the hard time. The bull crap and the utter bliss. He's your best friend. 


Obviously, this is an extremely generalized definition, and maybe I'm just blissfully naive. If you really want specifics about my personal relationship, just ask. But for now, I just had to vent. Thanks for listening :)