Sunday, September 26, 2010

Um... Hey. It's been a while.

     Recently, I was hanging out with my friends and it was a blast. We were just relaxing, watching old disney movies, taking strange pictures, and having genuine bonding time. It was the kind of fun that seems boring to everyone else. 
     And tonight we were talking about God at the Gathering and Eric mentioned the fact that we shouldn't love God because we fear Him, but rather we should fear Him because we love Him and we know what He is capable of. Also, in D-group we discussed how you cannot exaggerate God. If you try, you didn't lie. Any exaggeration you make isn't an exaggeration at all, but rather the truth. Weird? Well, on top of all that, tonight at CRU bible study, we were sharing our testimonies and we shared our "but God" sentences. 
--for example, "I was living one lifestyle, but God showed me who I really am."--

     I say all of that so you can have the same "ah-HA" moment that I had. Maybe you won't share it with me, but at least you can hear where I'm coming from. Basically: when was the last time you hung out with God? 

     Everyone has those friends who only call you when they want a ride, money, or whatever. Doesn't that bother you to only be called when someone wants to use you? Yeah? Well isn't that how most of us treat God? Like a slot machine. We put a prayer in, pull the lever, and hope we hit a jackpot. But that's not what love is. 

     Love is a bigger word than I ever imagined. Love means that we are literally willing to die for a person. DIE. Are you? Will you die for your roommate? The loud person down the hall? The man who tailgates you in traffic? But, then again, aren't we supposed to? "Love your neighbor as yourself"? Well, hmm. That sucks. 

     Then again, when you put your own genuine love and time into a God who can create so much beauty, He instills a love in you that is contagious to everyone you meet. However, how do you really get to know someone if you never hang out with them? You can't know the deep, dark secrets, the weird quirks, or the annoying habits. I didn't know what angered my friends until I hung out with them and learned this information. God is no different. You can't only use him for your own benefit, but get to know Him and spread His love to those you have trouble loving yourself. "The Lord is strongest when you are weakest." Trust in Him. 
     My D-group leader once told me that "if the Lord put a desire inside of my heart, then He put it there for a reason." In that case, we were talking about marriage, but it applies to loving as well. He has instilled love in all of us, but do we use it the way we should? Can we see what that means to tell someone that we love them? Do we flirt with the fine line between love and lust? Do we try to find "love" in temporary objects and emotions? 

     Of course we do; we are stupid humans. But it's freeing to know that there is someone up there, a parent to watch us, telling us to change and giving us many open doors and opportunities to go out into the world and love. Don't judge someone you don't know (or someone you do know, either). Don't assume things based on circumstances. Don't laugh at the person who fell while running to class. Don't get mad at the girl holding up the line, or the guy who uses chicks to make himself look cool. These are temporary, miniscule things in respect to the grandness that the Lord offers us up in heaven. 

     As pastor Steve says, "the devil will fly you first class to Hell." He will put you in cozy chairs, tell you how awesome you are, how beautiful you look, and make you feel awesome about yourself. But your destination will be a dark, constantly burning pit of non fatal torture. 

     For me, I'd rather join Steve in the putt-putt plain that shakes and creaks during the flight if it means my destination is one of perfection and eternal praise to the Lord himself who saved me from something that I didn't even know was killing me. 

    This post was scatter-brained, but it's been a while since I've blogged and a lot has happened in that time. I hope you guys at least retained some of it. And if anyone ever wants to talk about something, do not hesitate at all to ask. I'm rather chatty, and I would love to show you someone who will never stop loving you. He hasn't left me yet, and I've done some pretty icky things. The best part: I know that no matter what I do, He won't leave me. Ever. No matter what. What other man can you say that about? Just a thought :)

Monday, September 6, 2010

There is nothing special about you without Him

It may sound harsh, but when I heard someone tell me this at church, it struck me. It's so true. Without God, I am just a sinning waste of breath. Yes, one He loves and changed to be more like Him, but still. I'm the kind of person who needs a metaphorical slap in the face to get a point. Something like that, something telling me that God is the ONLY reason I have a purpose and the only purpose I have.

When you think about all the things that make you sad and all the reasons you have to be upset, it is easy to think of life as lame, pointless, or stupid. But, look at is through the eyes of a parent. As someone who loves you. It's not that certain events aren't good for you or that they are never meant to happen, it's just that there are certain times for certain things. There is no reason to cry or moan about life when you aren't even the one writing it. 

As a creative writer, it is easy to write and create worlds that are "perfect." However, when writing the book, I know how it is going to end. But to the reader, they only see the event at that time. They are on that page, in that situation, and they don't know what is going to happen.. I think God does the same for us. We so quickly think "UGH I can't believe that happened! I give up!" and we throw down the book and completely abandon it to be abducted by icky spiders. But He, the author of our book, is holding us close whispering in our ear, "child, pick it back up. Keep reading. The story isn't meant to end here. Keep reading. Trust me, there is more." 

Will you?

Will you pick the book back up and keep reading while knowing you cannot skip pages? 

Will you trust Him that the story gets better while you are currently in a part of despair? 

Why is it so hard for us to trust Him when we have no idea what is going to happen anyway? He knows what my future holds and I do not. Therefore, there is no comprehensible reason why I think I am in control of my life when I don't even know what I'm wearing tomorrow. It's funny to think how we can "play" God in our lives. I never try to "play" mommy to myself, or "play" daddy when I want something. Because I am not them and I don't know what they know.

Am I the only naive child here who goes with the impulses of human flesh? It is hard for me to stop myself from wanting certain things even though I know they are bad. No, nothing like drugs or alcohol, but human things like love and money. I do my best to focus on what God would have me focus on, but it is too easy to get distracted in this world. I have to keep my focus forward and just love like God loved and live like God lived. 

I'm not really sure what the point of this blog is, but I know there is a reason I wrote it. Basically, without Him, I am nothing. And, you know... I'm perfectly content with that. 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Can a person ever actually give up?

Recently, I have found myself saying, "ugh, that's it; I give up." But then I think about it, and what does that even mean? Is it possible for me to just stop? Stop caring. Stop loving. Stop living.


But, then why do I say these things? Well, rhetorical questions aside, I don't mean it. There is too much love and compassion in me as a child of God to just stop caring about the world around me. It's not that my homework is too hard and I give up; it's that life isn't going the way I want it to. Then again, it's not my life to live. Someone once told me that if God placed certain desires in you, that you are meant to live them out. However, there have been plenty of desires that the Lord never made me live out.

So, to apply this to current circumstances, I know a lot of people getting engaged and finding new romances. I am happy for them, and I know my time is coming soon (hopefully), but why do I try to create my own screenplay? I am happy with my life and everyone in it, so why do I want what others have? Oh, because I'm human. And a girl.

Every girl dreams about prince charming coming down to save her when she needs him most. Do you know what isn't in those stories? Advertisements. Other girls. Mixed emotions. No one plays hard to get, nor do they even hesitate to say they are interested in the person. There is no fear; no hesitation. I wish my life could work like that.

But I have God. And He will pick me up when I'm down and hug me when no one else knows I need it. Yet, there is something about human interaction that is meaningful. There is something special when that one person acknowledges your existence over everyone else. Your heart beats out of your chest when they simply say your name. Then they turn around and never talk to you again.

This post isn't supposed to sound emo and depressing. I've just been thinking a lot about why everything works the way it does and trying (key word) to wait patiently until the Lord puts THE person in my life. My time on this earth is short. What would I regret if it ended now? Would I have said those things I wanted to say? Allowed myself to be vulnerable when I wanted it least? Put myself out there in front of everyone just to tell a guy I liked him? I'm not sure...

What would you regret not doing?