Sunday, November 14, 2010

I'm gonna need your guys' help

I got baptized today. I will be honest: I have been baptized before. I was about 10 years old and it was in my old Pastor's pool. But to me, that was just someone dunking me in water; there was no emotional decision tied with it. I talked to Pastor Sean and he went through the same thing. I realized that I had to make this MY decision and not that of my parents. Their intentions were good, but this had to be something that the Lord instilled in me. And He did. I have never felt so compelled to do anything in my life. I knew I had to proclaim to the world that I am in love with a God who wants to give me everything and then more.

I made the decision to follow Christ when I was young, and I have been growing ever since. It has its hard times, as well as its easy ones, but life is a journey. One in which I am given to shine in a world of darkness.

That is where you guys come in. After getting baptized, I feel compelled to talk about Jesus and only Him all the time. It's as if I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "I love Jesus!" and everything I do reflects Him. If I'm a jerk, people think negatively about Him. If I'm extra kind, that also is reflected toward Him. No matter what I do, there is a connotation. Maybe this high will wear off, but I hope not. I like it. If I could eternally feel as if I were a reflection to God, I would never want to sin. Yes, I am full of sin and I am born with sin, but there are definitely intentional sins that need not be done. I do not need to lie to my teacher about an absence, nor do I need to complain when Java City runs out of bagels.

Point being: keep me accountable, please. I try to keep a positive attitude in life, but at times that is simply hard to do. Then I must turn to God. It sounds pathetic to say that the Lord has to help me love Him, but it's true. The sin in me wants to live a life that would disappoint God. I know how sorry I am when I disappoint my parents; I could never imagine how it would feel to disappoint God. But I do it every day. Thanks be to Jesus for cleansing me. Without Him, I would be dead forever.

There is no deeper meaning to this blog, but I felt that it was something I needed to ask of you all. I love sin. I am sin. But, through Jesus, I have been cleansed. I am free. I am alive. I am in love.

There is no greater joy than knowing that I have a ton of people I could call if I felt down, upset, or just needed to talk. The Lord has also brought me to Hillvue for a reason, and I think I'm starting to figure out why. Love.

I'm the kind of person who loves very strongly. I love everything about love. I love to love. I love showing love. I love LOVE. And so does everyone there. I grew up having way more guy friends than I did girls, but up here the Lord switched that. And I am grateful. I feel as if I am part of a community who loves each other. It's like having a hundred sisters who never fight; it's awesome! I mean, no, we don't all hang out all the time and stalk each other daily, but we are there for each other. I hope everyone feels this way, too. I do not believe I know a single person who would hang up should a friend call them in need. I have never felt so connected to a family of people before. (Besides my own family, of course)

Anyway, I want each woman of God to know how strongly I want the best for them. No matter what. Life is too valuable to waste. God is to magnificent to waste. My life is His and He is in control.

I love Him. And, because of that, I am able to love the world. That is perfect for someone like me.

God is Love. God is in me. Therefore, love is in me. And I want it to be in you, too.

Smile :)

Monday, November 8, 2010

Dang, who cares what I think?

I've concluded that blogging is just another way for people to talk to themselves. I feel as if I should address everything, "Dear Krissy, Hi. I see you all the time. Coffee!" But that is silly. Or is it? ... No, it is. ANYWAY, I am babbling tonight and I don't know why. The point of this blog is to basically hold myself accountable. I won't lie; I have a problem appreciating what I have and not focusing on what I am lacking. Specifically, I have trouble not wanting a boyfriend. It's not because I'm yearning for one guy or another, but that relationship. That person to serve, to love, to cherish.

Why isn't that God?

I love God, yes. I desire to know Him more and to serve Him. But why am I not content with that? What boyfriend can be better and a Father who created the UNIVERSE? I know the answer, but that doesn't make the feelings go away. God is my one main desire and I want His love more than anything else. So, to hold myself to this, I asked for help. My friends keep me accountable. I am not allowed to pursue anyone: I am going to sit back and let the Lord lead me in the right direction. When the right man comes along, he will pursue what the Lord tells him to do. I have to trust God. And I do. 

So, what now? I am not worrying about boys and whatever secret emotions that may be floating out there, so what am I going to do?

For me, I set out a plan to read different books of the Bible. Right now, I am reading Luke. It has taught me wonders. I have a new peace in the love of God, and nothing else can satisfy my soul. Learning more and more that Jesus walked on Earth just like I am is awesome. He was not cherished and seated at gold thrones; He was beaten and mistreated. He suffered the way I suffer. He bled the way I bleed. And He died that way I will one day die. (Not that I will literally be crucified, but dying in general)

He was human. And He was perfect. What more could I ask for? Whom else can I model my life after like that? What else can fill me up the way God's love does? I love Him and I am going to trust Him with all that I am. No exceptions; no excuses. 

Do not think that the Lord doesn't already control my life: He does. But I "give Him" my life, and then take things back. I will say "take all that I am! Umm... Well, maybe not that part. I like that." So what good is it? This time I mean it. I see no reason to hang on to things that are about to crumble. I am going to let the Lord be rooted into my heart: the good soil. No more random thorns, no more weeds. Only the good stuff. 

Anyway, this blog has not point. It is simply something that I need to hear myself say and something that I need to stick to. Now, i am going to read today's section of Luke and learn more about the man who loves more than anyone else could ever imagine.