Saturday, December 18, 2010

Yup, you ended up in my novel.

Of course there are many reasons why I love to be home, especially for the holidays. However, I will have to say that my favorite thing to do while I'm home is this: have hot tea, the snack of my liking (tonight's dish is an apple), and write my novel. I only have the first 50+ pages finished because school keeps getting in the way, but I would have to say that working on it is the most relaxing thing I could ever do.

Then I started laughing. I'm literally sitting in my bed right now, cuddling up with my cat, and laughing audibly. Yeah, I'm that cool. The reason I'm laughing, though, is because I keep putting people from my real life into my book. I'm having people from my past become people of my present and throwing in people I both hate and love. No, not obviously exactly like it is in real life, but the characters reflect these people. I just find it easier to base characters off of real people. Maybe that's just me. But anyway, this is a fair warning to all of you who cross paths with me. More likely than not, you have been inserted into my novel.

I'm not the type of writer who shares book ideas, and I have more than one story that I'm working on, but if you're reading this, there is a strong possibility that you're in one. If one day they become popular, or if no one ever sees than but me, it doesn't matter. I will never tell.

I don't know the point of this blog except to share that I'm totally and completely blissful right now and that people should think twice before pissing off a writer.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Plastic beauty

So, I was rummaging around in my blog menu and clearing out things which I don't need, and I ran across this blog. I was intrigued by the title, so I clicked on it to see that I had not written anything. Only the title, only one thought.

So, I'm going to leave this without inserting my own opinions about it. I won't go into detail about my own life, feelings, and all that jazz because I want you to tell me what this means to you.

What is beauty? Why have we allowed other people to tell us what is and isn't beautiful? Why do we crave this familiar, cookie-cutter definition of plastic beauty?

I refuse to be mass-produced.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I'm gonna need your guys' help

I got baptized today. I will be honest: I have been baptized before. I was about 10 years old and it was in my old Pastor's pool. But to me, that was just someone dunking me in water; there was no emotional decision tied with it. I talked to Pastor Sean and he went through the same thing. I realized that I had to make this MY decision and not that of my parents. Their intentions were good, but this had to be something that the Lord instilled in me. And He did. I have never felt so compelled to do anything in my life. I knew I had to proclaim to the world that I am in love with a God who wants to give me everything and then more.

I made the decision to follow Christ when I was young, and I have been growing ever since. It has its hard times, as well as its easy ones, but life is a journey. One in which I am given to shine in a world of darkness.

That is where you guys come in. After getting baptized, I feel compelled to talk about Jesus and only Him all the time. It's as if I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "I love Jesus!" and everything I do reflects Him. If I'm a jerk, people think negatively about Him. If I'm extra kind, that also is reflected toward Him. No matter what I do, there is a connotation. Maybe this high will wear off, but I hope not. I like it. If I could eternally feel as if I were a reflection to God, I would never want to sin. Yes, I am full of sin and I am born with sin, but there are definitely intentional sins that need not be done. I do not need to lie to my teacher about an absence, nor do I need to complain when Java City runs out of bagels.

Point being: keep me accountable, please. I try to keep a positive attitude in life, but at times that is simply hard to do. Then I must turn to God. It sounds pathetic to say that the Lord has to help me love Him, but it's true. The sin in me wants to live a life that would disappoint God. I know how sorry I am when I disappoint my parents; I could never imagine how it would feel to disappoint God. But I do it every day. Thanks be to Jesus for cleansing me. Without Him, I would be dead forever.

There is no deeper meaning to this blog, but I felt that it was something I needed to ask of you all. I love sin. I am sin. But, through Jesus, I have been cleansed. I am free. I am alive. I am in love.

There is no greater joy than knowing that I have a ton of people I could call if I felt down, upset, or just needed to talk. The Lord has also brought me to Hillvue for a reason, and I think I'm starting to figure out why. Love.

I'm the kind of person who loves very strongly. I love everything about love. I love to love. I love showing love. I love LOVE. And so does everyone there. I grew up having way more guy friends than I did girls, but up here the Lord switched that. And I am grateful. I feel as if I am part of a community who loves each other. It's like having a hundred sisters who never fight; it's awesome! I mean, no, we don't all hang out all the time and stalk each other daily, but we are there for each other. I hope everyone feels this way, too. I do not believe I know a single person who would hang up should a friend call them in need. I have never felt so connected to a family of people before. (Besides my own family, of course)

Anyway, I want each woman of God to know how strongly I want the best for them. No matter what. Life is too valuable to waste. God is to magnificent to waste. My life is His and He is in control.

I love Him. And, because of that, I am able to love the world. That is perfect for someone like me.

God is Love. God is in me. Therefore, love is in me. And I want it to be in you, too.

Smile :)

Monday, November 8, 2010

Dang, who cares what I think?

I've concluded that blogging is just another way for people to talk to themselves. I feel as if I should address everything, "Dear Krissy, Hi. I see you all the time. Coffee!" But that is silly. Or is it? ... No, it is. ANYWAY, I am babbling tonight and I don't know why. The point of this blog is to basically hold myself accountable. I won't lie; I have a problem appreciating what I have and not focusing on what I am lacking. Specifically, I have trouble not wanting a boyfriend. It's not because I'm yearning for one guy or another, but that relationship. That person to serve, to love, to cherish.

Why isn't that God?

I love God, yes. I desire to know Him more and to serve Him. But why am I not content with that? What boyfriend can be better and a Father who created the UNIVERSE? I know the answer, but that doesn't make the feelings go away. God is my one main desire and I want His love more than anything else. So, to hold myself to this, I asked for help. My friends keep me accountable. I am not allowed to pursue anyone: I am going to sit back and let the Lord lead me in the right direction. When the right man comes along, he will pursue what the Lord tells him to do. I have to trust God. And I do. 

So, what now? I am not worrying about boys and whatever secret emotions that may be floating out there, so what am I going to do?

For me, I set out a plan to read different books of the Bible. Right now, I am reading Luke. It has taught me wonders. I have a new peace in the love of God, and nothing else can satisfy my soul. Learning more and more that Jesus walked on Earth just like I am is awesome. He was not cherished and seated at gold thrones; He was beaten and mistreated. He suffered the way I suffer. He bled the way I bleed. And He died that way I will one day die. (Not that I will literally be crucified, but dying in general)

He was human. And He was perfect. What more could I ask for? Whom else can I model my life after like that? What else can fill me up the way God's love does? I love Him and I am going to trust Him with all that I am. No exceptions; no excuses. 

Do not think that the Lord doesn't already control my life: He does. But I "give Him" my life, and then take things back. I will say "take all that I am! Umm... Well, maybe not that part. I like that." So what good is it? This time I mean it. I see no reason to hang on to things that are about to crumble. I am going to let the Lord be rooted into my heart: the good soil. No more random thorns, no more weeds. Only the good stuff. 

Anyway, this blog has not point. It is simply something that I need to hear myself say and something that I need to stick to. Now, i am going to read today's section of Luke and learn more about the man who loves more than anyone else could ever imagine. 

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Um... Hey. It's been a while.

     Recently, I was hanging out with my friends and it was a blast. We were just relaxing, watching old disney movies, taking strange pictures, and having genuine bonding time. It was the kind of fun that seems boring to everyone else. 
     And tonight we were talking about God at the Gathering and Eric mentioned the fact that we shouldn't love God because we fear Him, but rather we should fear Him because we love Him and we know what He is capable of. Also, in D-group we discussed how you cannot exaggerate God. If you try, you didn't lie. Any exaggeration you make isn't an exaggeration at all, but rather the truth. Weird? Well, on top of all that, tonight at CRU bible study, we were sharing our testimonies and we shared our "but God" sentences. 
--for example, "I was living one lifestyle, but God showed me who I really am."--

     I say all of that so you can have the same "ah-HA" moment that I had. Maybe you won't share it with me, but at least you can hear where I'm coming from. Basically: when was the last time you hung out with God? 

     Everyone has those friends who only call you when they want a ride, money, or whatever. Doesn't that bother you to only be called when someone wants to use you? Yeah? Well isn't that how most of us treat God? Like a slot machine. We put a prayer in, pull the lever, and hope we hit a jackpot. But that's not what love is. 

     Love is a bigger word than I ever imagined. Love means that we are literally willing to die for a person. DIE. Are you? Will you die for your roommate? The loud person down the hall? The man who tailgates you in traffic? But, then again, aren't we supposed to? "Love your neighbor as yourself"? Well, hmm. That sucks. 

     Then again, when you put your own genuine love and time into a God who can create so much beauty, He instills a love in you that is contagious to everyone you meet. However, how do you really get to know someone if you never hang out with them? You can't know the deep, dark secrets, the weird quirks, or the annoying habits. I didn't know what angered my friends until I hung out with them and learned this information. God is no different. You can't only use him for your own benefit, but get to know Him and spread His love to those you have trouble loving yourself. "The Lord is strongest when you are weakest." Trust in Him. 
     My D-group leader once told me that "if the Lord put a desire inside of my heart, then He put it there for a reason." In that case, we were talking about marriage, but it applies to loving as well. He has instilled love in all of us, but do we use it the way we should? Can we see what that means to tell someone that we love them? Do we flirt with the fine line between love and lust? Do we try to find "love" in temporary objects and emotions? 

     Of course we do; we are stupid humans. But it's freeing to know that there is someone up there, a parent to watch us, telling us to change and giving us many open doors and opportunities to go out into the world and love. Don't judge someone you don't know (or someone you do know, either). Don't assume things based on circumstances. Don't laugh at the person who fell while running to class. Don't get mad at the girl holding up the line, or the guy who uses chicks to make himself look cool. These are temporary, miniscule things in respect to the grandness that the Lord offers us up in heaven. 

     As pastor Steve says, "the devil will fly you first class to Hell." He will put you in cozy chairs, tell you how awesome you are, how beautiful you look, and make you feel awesome about yourself. But your destination will be a dark, constantly burning pit of non fatal torture. 

     For me, I'd rather join Steve in the putt-putt plain that shakes and creaks during the flight if it means my destination is one of perfection and eternal praise to the Lord himself who saved me from something that I didn't even know was killing me. 

    This post was scatter-brained, but it's been a while since I've blogged and a lot has happened in that time. I hope you guys at least retained some of it. And if anyone ever wants to talk about something, do not hesitate at all to ask. I'm rather chatty, and I would love to show you someone who will never stop loving you. He hasn't left me yet, and I've done some pretty icky things. The best part: I know that no matter what I do, He won't leave me. Ever. No matter what. What other man can you say that about? Just a thought :)

Monday, September 6, 2010

There is nothing special about you without Him

It may sound harsh, but when I heard someone tell me this at church, it struck me. It's so true. Without God, I am just a sinning waste of breath. Yes, one He loves and changed to be more like Him, but still. I'm the kind of person who needs a metaphorical slap in the face to get a point. Something like that, something telling me that God is the ONLY reason I have a purpose and the only purpose I have.

When you think about all the things that make you sad and all the reasons you have to be upset, it is easy to think of life as lame, pointless, or stupid. But, look at is through the eyes of a parent. As someone who loves you. It's not that certain events aren't good for you or that they are never meant to happen, it's just that there are certain times for certain things. There is no reason to cry or moan about life when you aren't even the one writing it. 

As a creative writer, it is easy to write and create worlds that are "perfect." However, when writing the book, I know how it is going to end. But to the reader, they only see the event at that time. They are on that page, in that situation, and they don't know what is going to happen.. I think God does the same for us. We so quickly think "UGH I can't believe that happened! I give up!" and we throw down the book and completely abandon it to be abducted by icky spiders. But He, the author of our book, is holding us close whispering in our ear, "child, pick it back up. Keep reading. The story isn't meant to end here. Keep reading. Trust me, there is more." 

Will you?

Will you pick the book back up and keep reading while knowing you cannot skip pages? 

Will you trust Him that the story gets better while you are currently in a part of despair? 

Why is it so hard for us to trust Him when we have no idea what is going to happen anyway? He knows what my future holds and I do not. Therefore, there is no comprehensible reason why I think I am in control of my life when I don't even know what I'm wearing tomorrow. It's funny to think how we can "play" God in our lives. I never try to "play" mommy to myself, or "play" daddy when I want something. Because I am not them and I don't know what they know.

Am I the only naive child here who goes with the impulses of human flesh? It is hard for me to stop myself from wanting certain things even though I know they are bad. No, nothing like drugs or alcohol, but human things like love and money. I do my best to focus on what God would have me focus on, but it is too easy to get distracted in this world. I have to keep my focus forward and just love like God loved and live like God lived. 

I'm not really sure what the point of this blog is, but I know there is a reason I wrote it. Basically, without Him, I am nothing. And, you know... I'm perfectly content with that. 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Can a person ever actually give up?

Recently, I have found myself saying, "ugh, that's it; I give up." But then I think about it, and what does that even mean? Is it possible for me to just stop? Stop caring. Stop loving. Stop living.


But, then why do I say these things? Well, rhetorical questions aside, I don't mean it. There is too much love and compassion in me as a child of God to just stop caring about the world around me. It's not that my homework is too hard and I give up; it's that life isn't going the way I want it to. Then again, it's not my life to live. Someone once told me that if God placed certain desires in you, that you are meant to live them out. However, there have been plenty of desires that the Lord never made me live out.

So, to apply this to current circumstances, I know a lot of people getting engaged and finding new romances. I am happy for them, and I know my time is coming soon (hopefully), but why do I try to create my own screenplay? I am happy with my life and everyone in it, so why do I want what others have? Oh, because I'm human. And a girl.

Every girl dreams about prince charming coming down to save her when she needs him most. Do you know what isn't in those stories? Advertisements. Other girls. Mixed emotions. No one plays hard to get, nor do they even hesitate to say they are interested in the person. There is no fear; no hesitation. I wish my life could work like that.

But I have God. And He will pick me up when I'm down and hug me when no one else knows I need it. Yet, there is something about human interaction that is meaningful. There is something special when that one person acknowledges your existence over everyone else. Your heart beats out of your chest when they simply say your name. Then they turn around and never talk to you again.

This post isn't supposed to sound emo and depressing. I've just been thinking a lot about why everything works the way it does and trying (key word) to wait patiently until the Lord puts THE person in my life. My time on this earth is short. What would I regret if it ended now? Would I have said those things I wanted to say? Allowed myself to be vulnerable when I wanted it least? Put myself out there in front of everyone just to tell a guy I liked him? I'm not sure...

What would you regret not doing?

Monday, August 2, 2010

Make Coffee; Not War.

We all hear that communication is key in a relationship, and isn't hate a feeling? Not that I advocate hating, but it is still an emotion. So, whether we like it or not, that bonds us into a relationship. No matter what kind. Therefore, communication is still key.

Now, i am not a lunatic who thinks a tall bold is going to save the world. (It would at least have to be a venti!) I'm just saying that, when you think about it, how quickly do we react to something without digging deeper? One thing that journalism taught me is that there is always more to the story. There are about a million "Why?"s that you go through until you have the actual story. Now, when you hear that he said this about her and whatnot, ask "why?" Go from secondhand source to secondhand source until you find the root. Ask one final, "why?" and there will lie the truth.

The Lord tells us not to be quick to anger. Easy enough, right? Hardly. Some immature pre-teen is driving you crazy because he won't settle down and shut up. You grit your teeth and try to ignore him. Your heart is angry, but if you do not show it, we feel like we are being obedient to the Lord. You eventually get him to hold conversation just to find out that his parents are going through a divorce. Bam. There is always more to the story.

All in all, I just want to remind everyone not to judge. It is easy to judge a large person for not staying healthy, or a poor person for not working hard enough, but there is always a reason. Not an excuse: a reason. Only when you show your love for the person will they let you into their core.

Be kind. Love. Show compassion. Make coffee; not war.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Is it bad to be a little insane?

A lot of people tell me that what I major in, what I dream to be, and my future life plans are all crazy. "You'll never make money doing that." "Do you know how small your chances are?" "Have you really planned this out?" Blah, blah, blah. Yes, people, I know all the pessimism that is out there. I get it. My monetary situation isn't planned out. So?

Did God not mass produce hundreds of fish and bread? By doubting my ability to survive, you are doubting the power of God. I am following the plans--the passions-- that He has instilled in me, and will, therefore, not worry. Of course, budgets need to be made and plans need to be set in order to keep one's head on straight, but I will not worry when it comes to things of this world. The Lord has a plan for my life and He will not let me fail. I will do what I'm meant to do when I'm meant to do it. Simple as that.

This isn't all about me. There are so many people out there who give up on their dreams because it's hard, or because people told them they had no chance. Now, unless you extremely suck at it, there is no reason to give up. More than dreams, people give up on themselves. They lose faith that there is something perfect out there for them, and they settle with whatever comes first. Sometimes being patient can pay off more than we can fathom.

All I'm trying to say is to never give up on yourself. Whether it's your life dream, relationship status, or confidence, just be proud of who you are. You are someone's "the one." The one person who can help the business. The one person who can sell the product. The one person to start a family. But if you don't believe that you are, then neither will they.

I'm horrible at pep talks, but, basically, sometimes being a little crazy isn't so bad.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I miss these days

No, college wasn't years ago; it's not a gleam of my life that once was and I now look back on in remembrance. It is real and it is now. But, as I sit at home this summer, I just think back at everything I love about college. True: doing some of the school work is kind of a bummer. There are many classes that will never help me in the future, but that's life.

The freedom in college is great. No parents to stop you, no rules to abide by, and no obstacles to stand in your way. But honestly, who cares? I would rather have no freedom and all my friends than the alternative. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my independence, but it's my friends that make everything so fun. Everyone is so goofy and outgoing, and I have yet to regret a moment with them. If there is someone that I wish it avoid-- I can. It's a big school. But all these girls aren't people to flee from, but rather to run TO. (ugh, I feel icky for ending that in a preposition, but you get the point. haha)

We have times that speak for themselves. We have made future plans (yes, emily, this includes you. 10 years from now :] ) and plans for the present. We have the bond of sisters but without the drama (usually). We don't judge each other by our majors, life choices, or hometowns. Friendship is a place where one can be themselves no matter what. I miss calling them when I'm bored to hang out, running to walmart at midnight to spend money we don't have, and hitting up waffle house late at night to get some cheap (crappy) coffee.

Of course, we all have friends at home. Duh. But there's something different about when you're at college. I have yet to figure out what that is, but I can feel it. These are the cliché friends that we will know "forever no matter what" and that makes me happy :)

I love you girls with all my heart and I can't wait to see you all again! Celebratory dinner at Manpuku that Friday night? Yes, it is a must! I will see you all in a month; get ready!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'm not sure what exactly to do here, but here we go:

So I started this blog because my lovely roommate, Emily, posed one. I'm not sure what to write; so let's stay on this topic for a while: rooming with Emily. Honestly, it was AWESOME. We had our moments (some of which are humorous to look back on; others are not). Due to scholarship confusion, I wasn't sure whether or not I could come back to WKU, but I officially am staying. I know it annoys her with my constant back and forth about the topic. But, hey, I promise to stay. All 4 years. That's our agreement, right? My only problem is that I have a constant yearning to travel. 24/7 traveling. So I will go abroad a lot. Hope you don't mind, girl. All I can say is that simply knowing Emily has made me a better person. I'm not truly myself at school. Yes, I am always loud and blunt, but school amplifies that to measure that even bother me sometimes. However, around her, I feel as if I can be more myself. I hope she feels the same way. She has changed my life for the better.

AND now that my venting is over with, let's more on, yes?

God. God is a big part of my life. Most recently, I have learned to not look at the "void" places of my life and focus on the "full" areas. What I think is "missing" is just something God has planned for later. Or He has something even better in my future. I need to live my life in a way that pleases Him and all the pieces will fall into place. I am strong enough to go on without a boyfriend, without a house, without temporary items, because I have permanent, important things like a loving family, a home, and a foundation that nothing can break. Not in a cocky way, but I am going to do many great things for God's glory during my lifetime and I have never been more excited.


to whomever actually read this all the way through: thank you. I hope it was not boring; I'm not really sure what exactly the point of a blog is, and if I did anything wrong than oops! Now, not to sound weird, but my mom just got home and I have many things I want to talk to her about. Adios, everyone!