Monday, November 8, 2010

Dang, who cares what I think?

I've concluded that blogging is just another way for people to talk to themselves. I feel as if I should address everything, "Dear Krissy, Hi. I see you all the time. Coffee!" But that is silly. Or is it? ... No, it is. ANYWAY, I am babbling tonight and I don't know why. The point of this blog is to basically hold myself accountable. I won't lie; I have a problem appreciating what I have and not focusing on what I am lacking. Specifically, I have trouble not wanting a boyfriend. It's not because I'm yearning for one guy or another, but that relationship. That person to serve, to love, to cherish.

Why isn't that God?

I love God, yes. I desire to know Him more and to serve Him. But why am I not content with that? What boyfriend can be better and a Father who created the UNIVERSE? I know the answer, but that doesn't make the feelings go away. God is my one main desire and I want His love more than anything else. So, to hold myself to this, I asked for help. My friends keep me accountable. I am not allowed to pursue anyone: I am going to sit back and let the Lord lead me in the right direction. When the right man comes along, he will pursue what the Lord tells him to do. I have to trust God. And I do. 

So, what now? I am not worrying about boys and whatever secret emotions that may be floating out there, so what am I going to do?

For me, I set out a plan to read different books of the Bible. Right now, I am reading Luke. It has taught me wonders. I have a new peace in the love of God, and nothing else can satisfy my soul. Learning more and more that Jesus walked on Earth just like I am is awesome. He was not cherished and seated at gold thrones; He was beaten and mistreated. He suffered the way I suffer. He bled the way I bleed. And He died that way I will one day die. (Not that I will literally be crucified, but dying in general)

He was human. And He was perfect. What more could I ask for? Whom else can I model my life after like that? What else can fill me up the way God's love does? I love Him and I am going to trust Him with all that I am. No exceptions; no excuses. 

Do not think that the Lord doesn't already control my life: He does. But I "give Him" my life, and then take things back. I will say "take all that I am! Umm... Well, maybe not that part. I like that." So what good is it? This time I mean it. I see no reason to hang on to things that are about to crumble. I am going to let the Lord be rooted into my heart: the good soil. No more random thorns, no more weeds. Only the good stuff. 

Anyway, this blog has not point. It is simply something that I need to hear myself say and something that I need to stick to. Now, i am going to read today's section of Luke and learn more about the man who loves more than anyone else could ever imagine. 

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