Monday, October 24, 2011

Keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

This blog post is designed for my dear friend Amber. However, it applies to most single girls, so read it if you want.

The other day I stayed over at your house and we had an amazing, deep conversation about love, life, and boys. During this talk, you said that my boyfriend "treats me like a goddess." I had to think about this for a second, but I agreed. I knew he was amazing, but I didn't realize how obvious that was to everyone else. I'm not here to brag, but rather to encourage. I was like you not too long ago. I wanted someone to love me and treat me right. I longed for a man who loved God more than he loved me; for a man willing to make sacrifices to make me belong to him. I desired a man I could love and respect. But I was not patient. I tried to find this man by myself and I would almost beg God for this one to "be the one." Once, I literally asked God this: "I don't know if he's who I'm supposed to be with, but can you make it him?" Thank God that He didn't listen to me. I would be miserable right now. I didn't realize what I was asking, but I was too impatient to wait for someone worthy of me, and God knew that. Now, my prayer has changed. I hope this one is the one, but I will always trust God and accept His will for me. We may have free will, but it is not our will that matters in the long run. I simply pray that I can glorify God with my relationship and that together we can build each other up and reflect the love that was graciously given to us.

Baby doll, there are plenty of great men out there, but don't seek him. When you least expect it, he will come into your life. The wait is worth it. All the crying and begging and lonely nights will seem as if they were nothing. As if they never happened. You will find a man who will never want to hurt you and who is sad that you have been hurt in the past. He will make waiting seem like it was nothing.

I know you know this stuff, but I wanted to remind you to be patient. Maybe you're talking to the man you're gonna marry, and maybe you aren't. But, regardless, always remember how valuable you are to God and how much you are loved in His eyes. If a man can't see your true heart and love you despite your faults, then he's not worthy of you. Stay true to yourself and you will never be disappointed. Focus on making God happy, and I guarantee your life will play out how it's supposed to. I'm not saying it'll be easy or fun, but it WILL be worth it to find your own man to treat you like a goddess.

I'm rambling, but I love you. You've come so far in your life and I wanna see you keep progressing. I wanna see your health increase and your life be overflowing with love and joy. I know you have the power to quit smoking because you have God. I wanna see you use that strength. I wanna see your self-worth reject guys that refuse to grow up. I'll always be there for you, and I'll always support you.

I'm proud of what you've done lately. This "new woman" feeling is a good sign. You're wonderful and I love you.


Sunday, October 2, 2011

Is School Over Yet?

I'm not one of those overly-optimistic people that thinks life will be a breeze after college and things will just fall into place like a Disney movie. I am, however, one of those people who sees the benefits of being out of school and advancing to the next level in life. I don't easily assume things will happen the way I want them to, but I do know there are certain things that I can control. I can't make anyone fall in love with me, and I can't make someone hire me. But, I can do what it takes to support myself and be independent of the world. That said, I just want to live the dream life. Well, my dream life...

I want to marry a man that I love, and I want to start a family. I want to raise my kids with a strong faith and a loving heart. I want to cook dinner for my family and make sure they are all happy. I want my husband to be proud of me and I want him to show me off to the world. I want to open a bakery, so I can spend all day doing what I love. I want to incorporate a coffee shop so that I can give people a cheap alternative to the expensive coffees I often buy too much. I want to help pay the bills and I want to maintain a happy home. I want to travel the world with the love of my life and I want to visit my parents on holidays. I want to have a husky and I want to rescue a kitten. I don't care about a white picket fence or a fancy home in the suburbs. I want a mountain vacation house and a condo on the beach. I want my children to go to a good school and spread the Love of Christ even at their young ages. I want to host women's bible studies and go jogging with my husband saturday mornings. I want to curl up on the couch next to the warm fire with a good book, a cup of coffee, and my husband holding me under a blanket. I want to feel secure in his arms and fall asleep next to the man that promised to love me forever. 

When I'm giving birth, my doctor won't first check to make sure I graduated with a high GPA, and my attorney won't make me check the grammar before signing a contract. My husband won't make me only speak in a proper vernacular, nor will my children only love me if I read them English authors versus American ones (which, I totally prefer English Literature anyway...)

My point is this: school has become an inconvenience. For me, my accounting class is kind of difficult. I love math, but I do not enjoy this class. One day, I will hire an accountant, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Economics is a fun class, but there is too much theory for me to put faith in what they say to me. And I love my English classes to death, but writing a 5-page paper isn't going to define who I am as a person or what I'm capable of doing with my life. I'll admit that I don't have the greatest GPA in the world, but I don't care. I enjoy my life and I do what makes me happy. Yes, I get homework done early and I don't procrastinate, but there are so many other things I would rather be doing with my life. I could drop out now and it would not affect my future at all. In fact, it would just give me what I wanted a little earlier. I could live on my own, support myself, and get on with my life. No more roommates or frustrating parking lots or grade deadlines. Just me, my life, God, and things that make me happy. I have a family I love, a boyfriend I absolutely adore, and friends that mean the world to me. Compared to all that, my papers are just busy-work that gets in the way of what I want to do. 

I probably shouldn't be such an impulsive person, and I know that I am learning valuable things here at school. But I just want to be finished. I have a plan, and I'm ready to put it into action. I keep asking myself, "Why do I need a degree?" I have yet to give myself an answer... For that reason, my heart is telling me to move on. I've had a good two years here, but I'm ready for something more. Maybe I'm naive or blissfully ignorant of what I'm asking, but that's for me to figure out. For now, I'm going to keep dreaming of the life I want while living the life I have. 

Don't get me wrong: I am grateful for everything I have been given and I really do appreciate how blessed I am to be at school. However, it's hard for me to deny my heart the things it most wants. That goes against my very instinct. That's my dilemma... 

Anyway, that's all I'm gonna ramble about for now.