I want to marry a man that I love, and I want to start a family. I want to raise my kids with a strong faith and a loving heart. I want to cook dinner for my family and make sure they are all happy. I want my husband to be proud of me and I want him to show me off to the world. I want to open a bakery, so I can spend all day doing what I love. I want to incorporate a coffee shop so that I can give people a cheap alternative to the expensive coffees I often buy too much. I want to help pay the bills and I want to maintain a happy home. I want to travel the world with the love of my life and I want to visit my parents on holidays. I want to have a husky and I want to rescue a kitten. I don't care about a white picket fence or a fancy home in the suburbs. I want a mountain vacation house and a condo on the beach. I want my children to go to a good school and spread the Love of Christ even at their young ages. I want to host women's bible studies and go jogging with my husband saturday mornings. I want to curl up on the couch next to the warm fire with a good book, a cup of coffee, and my husband holding me under a blanket. I want to feel secure in his arms and fall asleep next to the man that promised to love me forever.
When I'm giving birth, my doctor won't first check to make sure I graduated with a high GPA, and my attorney won't make me check the grammar before signing a contract. My husband won't make me only speak in a proper vernacular, nor will my children only love me if I read them English authors versus American ones (which, I totally prefer English Literature anyway...)
My point is this: school has become an inconvenience. For me, my accounting class is kind of difficult. I love math, but I do not enjoy this class. One day, I will hire an accountant, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Economics is a fun class, but there is too much theory for me to put faith in what they say to me. And I love my English classes to death, but writing a 5-page paper isn't going to define who I am as a person or what I'm capable of doing with my life. I'll admit that I don't have the greatest GPA in the world, but I don't care. I enjoy my life and I do what makes me happy. Yes, I get homework done early and I don't procrastinate, but there are so many other things I would rather be doing with my life. I could drop out now and it would not affect my future at all. In fact, it would just give me what I wanted a little earlier. I could live on my own, support myself, and get on with my life. No more roommates or frustrating parking lots or grade deadlines. Just me, my life, God, and things that make me happy. I have a family I love, a boyfriend I absolutely adore, and friends that mean the world to me. Compared to all that, my papers are just busy-work that gets in the way of what I want to do.
I probably shouldn't be such an impulsive person, and I know that I am learning valuable things here at school. But I just want to be finished. I have a plan, and I'm ready to put it into action. I keep asking myself, "Why do I need a degree?" I have yet to give myself an answer... For that reason, my heart is telling me to move on. I've had a good two years here, but I'm ready for something more. Maybe I'm naive or blissfully ignorant of what I'm asking, but that's for me to figure out. For now, I'm going to keep dreaming of the life I want while living the life I have.
Don't get me wrong: I am grateful for everything I have been given and I really do appreciate how blessed I am to be at school. However, it's hard for me to deny my heart the things it most wants. That goes against my very instinct. That's my dilemma...
Anyway, that's all I'm gonna ramble about for now.