Recently, I have found myself saying, "ugh, that's it; I give up." But then I think about it, and what does that even mean? Is it possible for me to just stop? Stop caring. Stop loving. Stop living.
But, then why do I say these things? Well, rhetorical questions aside, I don't mean it. There is too much love and compassion in me as a child of God to just stop caring about the world around me. It's not that my homework is too hard and I give up; it's that life isn't going the way I want it to. Then again, it's not my life to live. Someone once told me that if God placed certain desires in you, that you are meant to live them out. However, there have been plenty of desires that the Lord never made me live out.
So, to apply this to current circumstances, I know a lot of people getting engaged and finding new romances. I am happy for them, and I know my time is coming soon (hopefully), but why do I try to create my own screenplay? I am happy with my life and everyone in it, so why do I want what others have? Oh, because I'm human. And a girl.
Every girl dreams about prince charming coming down to save her when she needs him most. Do you know what isn't in those stories? Advertisements. Other girls. Mixed emotions. No one plays hard to get, nor do they even hesitate to say they are interested in the person. There is no fear; no hesitation. I wish my life could work like that.
But I have God. And He will pick me up when I'm down and hug me when no one else knows I need it. Yet, there is something about human interaction that is meaningful. There is something special when that one person acknowledges your existence over everyone else. Your heart beats out of your chest when they simply say your name. Then they turn around and never talk to you again.
This post isn't supposed to sound emo and depressing. I've just been thinking a lot about why everything works the way it does and trying (key word) to wait patiently until the Lord puts THE person in my life. My time on this earth is short. What would I regret if it ended now? Would I have said those things I wanted to say? Allowed myself to be vulnerable when I wanted it least? Put myself out there in front of everyone just to tell a guy I liked him? I'm not sure...
What would you regret not doing?