Thursday, May 16, 2013

What is it about a good conversation that makes us feel so satisfied afterwards?

Seriously. Think about it. I understand when people say food satisfies hunger or sex satisfies a craving (or coffee, if you're like me). But what is it about venting to your partner that seems so satisfying? 

Half the time, nothing really gets "fixed" or "resolved." And I'm sure the man feels more overwhelmed afterwards than he did before it started. But there's a certain element that comes with talking that just makes us women (or at least ME) feel better. 

I may tell him why something made me upset, or a time when I felt disrespected, or bring up something "bad," but after I "talk it out," I usually feel better. Granted, actions are meant to back up words, so I'm not saying follow-through isn't important. But being able to have those talks in the first place is huge for open and honest communication. And that's what makes it so satisfying. 

For me, it's a matter of talking it out, explaining why I feel a certain way, and asking Ian to understand it. I feel like so many times, men try to "make sense" of our feelings. And, as confusing as this may be, sometimes women have emotions, and we have NO IDEA where they came from. Sometimes, they aren't even about you. And SOMETIMES we don't know how to make them go away. If its confusing to me, I can only imagine how frustrated men feel trying to figure us out. So I think when men stop trying to fix our emotions and start trying to understand why we have them, that's when real communication can take place. 

I'm no relationship expert, but I am a female with emotions (that makes me qualified, right?). I speak from experience. But there really is something so rewarding about sitting down and talking to Ian about why I feel a certain way. Now, I know I'm not perfect, and my execution of said talk may not be perfect, but neither is he. That's the beauty of it. No relationship is perfect. 

And, in Ian's own words, "if you have a strong foundation, the house can be wiped away in a storm, but you'll always have that foundation to rebuild it on." (Or something along those lines.) point being: as long as you love each other and are willing to communicate openly, there's always room to re-build. 

Or, if you don't need re-building, sometimes it's just nice to do a routine check-up and make sure everything is how it's supposed to be. And those are the more satisfying conversations of all. The ones where you feel emotionally connected to a person; the ones that bring you two together on a deeper level. Those are the talks that leave me satisfied. 

There are many things Ian does that make me feel like the most special woman in the world. And I know I'm the only female that has his heart. And one of the main ways he does that is by driving to my house to talk about the "emotional" stuff even when he doesn't want to. And more than that, working to make sure I'm happy in the relationship. So shout out to you, babe. 

And for anyone reading this who might not think their relationship is perfect: good. Because when you start to think it's perfect, that's probably when you're about to find out something bad. All relationships have good times and bad times. They all take work. There's no magical fix to any problem (but communication is a good starting point). It's not some blissful solution to any problem like the movies say (you should never get into a relationship or take a step forward thinking it'll "solve" some problem you're having). The biggest awakening I had was realizing how much work goes into it. Obviously, I knew they took work. But I didn't realize how much work they took. Everything has to be agreed upon by both parties; both people's emotions and feelings must be taken into consideration at all times; and everything I do directly effects somebody else. Geez. 

But at the end of the day, despite all the "bad" stuff, true love is wanting to curl up in bed and cuddle next to that one person, no matter what happened that day. It's the person you can never get out of your life, no matter what. It's the person you have satisfying conversations with all night. It's the person that you might take for granted, but you're eternally grateful they're there. 

That person is your anchor; your constant in a world full of variables. That person is your one true love. 

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