Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Chivalry Is Dying, but Who's to Blame?

     I don't think there's ever been an instance when Ian has texted me "I'm here." Every time he picks me up, he comes to the door and knocks. Even if we're only inside for a second while I grab my coat and head out (something he doesn't necessarily have to be inside for), he comes in. Sometimes I may be watching for him to come, and I may meet him at his car, but if I'm not quick enough, he'll turn the car off and meet me half way.

     I used to think this was normal--or even odd--until I heard other people's stories. How they struggle to find ONE night a week to get their boyfriends to hang out with them, or how he never wants to do what she wants to do, or how he made her pay for herself on the first date, etc. That's when it hit me: for some reason, may it be the fault of men or women, men are losing the desire to be chivalrous. Some (Note: SOME) men need to be forced to buy you a Valentine's gift, or may think the whole holiday is dumb and opt out of doing anything. Do you know what Ian and I are doing this coming year? Going to see Wicked because I want to. And I'm sure he'd rather do ANYTHING other than see a musical, but he's doing it for me. We'll still have dinner, and he always gets me flowers and little gifts. On another day and/or holiday, maybe he will have something he really wants to do, and we will do that. But the point is that he is willing to do something he doesn't want to do to make me happy. He's not telling me to take my best friend to the show instead or complaining about going. He took it like a man and, for that, I am extremely lucky.

But again, that's apparently not normal. So many men today are unwilling to sacrifice their "manhood" for their partners; so many men have lost the idea of woo-ing the person they love. They've become lazy and, sometimes, even selfish.

     What happened to taking it slow? When did men start dating multiple women at a time until one became "exclusive"? When did texting become the main form of contact? Do so few men write letters anymore, just for the sake of taking the time and effort to write down your affection?  Do so few men call their partners, leading them to wonder how many other women they are "talking to"? When did men stop trying to CATCH a woman? When did women become so willing to accept this laziness?

     I'm sorry, but if you showed up in my driveway and sent me a lousy text saying you arrived, your butt would be waiting out in the cold a looooong time before you either got out of the car or drove away. Because that kind of half-assed mentality won't work with me.

     Which leads me to the one question I cannot seem to answer: 


Is this new lack of chivalry the cause of men not doing their part, or women not doing theirs? 



     Or maybe a combination of both?

     So often we throw the blanket of blame at "technology," but that's merely a way of not pointing the finger at ourselves. Whether women need to stand up for themselves and act like a lady and not be so easy, or men need to grow a pair and put forth a little more effort, but, either way, this "new-age, technology-based, cyber-relationship" stuff needs to not replace genuine, heart-felt romance.

And if you're one of the lucky ones, whether you know it or not, you have a love worth keeping :)

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